When I was a little girl, my sister and I would scour my grandmother’s parsley patch searching for swallowtail caterpillars. Their vibrant yellows and greens stood out against their black stripes, making them easy to find to a child’s trained eye. Sometimes we would find them just as they were preparing to undergo metamorphosis. Their bodies would be arched in a specific way, like a solid crescent moon. On occasion, we would wait a few days before carefully breaking the plant at the bottom of the stem and transferring the cocoon to a jar. We would watch it everyday as it transformed before our curious eyes. After a few weeks, the chrysalis would begin to wiggle and a beautiful yellow swallowtail butterfly would emerge. We would watch her until she was strong enough to fly away.
I kind of feel like that butterfly right now. I’m not quite ready to emerge from my cocoon, but my wings are definitely forming.
I just submitted my availability for teaching community yoga classes this fall. Can you believe this is actually happening?! I am so proud I took this leap and made the decision to pursue my yoga teacher training. It was risky to try to put my life on hold in order to attend school full-time for an entire month, but I was committed to my Dharma, as we say. Things didn’t exactly go as planned leading up to the training, but there was no way I was going to let anything get in the way of this. I felt compelled to do this now and I am so grateful I listened to my ~ing and rolled with whatever came my way. The experience has been greater than I ever could have imagined. Continue reading “A Reflection On My Yoga Teacher Training So Far”
Next week my yoga teacher training begins and for the first time in my life I’m not entirely sure where I’m heading. Before, I was so busy thinking about my next steps and trying to prove things to myself (that I was smart enough, ambitious enough, good enough) that I missed so many important, beautiful things along the way. I was always chasing something, telling myself I’d find happiness in the next assignment, job or party, in the next five pounds, or maybe the five after that. I sought external validation and was crippled when I didn’t get it. I was plagued by feeling like I hadn’t found my place in this world. I questioned my work and my authenticity, living in a constant flux of anxiety and depression that eventually contributed to me resigning from my job.
I needed time to think. I was sick, tired, sad and confused. I felt like I had gone off track (or more honestly, completely off the rails) somewhere along the way, but I couldn’t quite figure out what had gone wrong, or where. On the outside, things looked good. I was more or less always moving forward, yet for some reason I felt like my work didn’t matter. When you define yourself by your work as I did, this eventually causes you to misinterpret this as meaning you don’t matter. These thoughts kept me up all night, but left me exhausted and bedridden during the day. It took a lot of work for me to return to some semblance of normalcy. Yet even after I got my shit together and stopped feeling sorry for myself, something didn’t quite feel right. I couldn’t shake the thought that there had to be more to life than this. Continue reading “And So It Begins…”
I’ve been thinking a lot about where I want my yoga to take me. It has become such a vital part of my life that I want to know more about it–the philosophies, the anatomy, the correct terminology for all of the poses. I also love writing about yoga, but I don’t feel like I have the necessary education on the practice to write about it with true expertise. Even though I’ve only been practicing yoga regularly for a year or so, I feel like I’m ready to start thinking about my next step: taking yoga teacher training. Continue reading “I’ve Decided To Do Yoga Teacher Training”